SECTION IV, Part B

LOGIC/REASONING

Following a refreshing dip in Central Park's Lasker Pool, you discover, much to your dismay, that you forgot to remove your cell phone from the cargo pocket of your new swim trunks.

Oops!

Oberto, the technical specialist at the Gramercy Park Verizon Wireless Retail Center, is pleased to report that your SIM card survived the flood. He assures you that, after purchasing a new LG VX9400 phone ($199.99 after 2-year service agreement and $50.00 mail-in rebate), you will be able to make and receive calls with no trouble at all.

Here's what Oberto doesn't realize: Due to its prolonged submersion, your SIM card has short circuited, and--perhaps a mere freak occurrence--it now operates in a manner similar to that of the Flux Capacitor. (See SECTION XI, Part A. CRITICAL ANALYSIS OF FILMS SET IN 1985.) Each time you place a call, you find that the recipient is trapped in the past--somewhere between 1992 and today.

Moreover, Oberto--who is probably just trying to be courteous; he probably doesn't want to embarrass you--fails to question the fact that you only have 3 telephone numbers stored on your SIM card. Again, however, what Oberto doesn't realize is that, because of your SIM Card's prolonged exposure to public bathwater, out of your 126 contacts, you are only able to access 3 numbers at any given time.

Finally, it should be noted that some of the numbers that appear in your address book (which will, as mentioned before, invariably connect you to a different hour, day, month, or year) are numbers you have never seen before--though they may belong to people with whom you're quite familiar. (This, too, seems to be the result of the chlorine marinade.)

Below, you will find a series of situations in which you might need to place a phone call. After each scenario, you will see a list of the only 3 contacts your phone will display at that given time, coupled with a brief description of the circumstances in which each of these contacts finds him or herself.

For each scenario, pick the person who you think would be the most helpful. Include a brief explanation (no more than 65 words) of your choice in the space provided. You are allowed just one selection per scenario. Note: There are no "right" answers.

1. You have a flat tire and your Aunt Mary's Volvo station wagon doesn't seem to have a car jack. Your AAA membership expired four months ago. Who do you call?

a) MRS. O, who has just discovered that her son Nick appears in the Winnetka Talk Police Blotter for the second time in two weeks. (He was caught with two ounces of Marijuana in the glove box of his car, and a spelling error in last week's blotter resulted in a reprint of the entire section.)

b) DICK DURBIN moments after he inadvertently confused the name "Osama" (as in Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden) and "Obama" (as in fellow Illinois Senator Barack Obama), replacing the latter with the former.

c) ELLIOTT G., your best friend from high school, who has just taken the first three bong hits in his life (part of a hazing ritual for a secret society at Yale University). He is now marching in a circle chanting: "We want the Cooks! We want the Cooks!"

2. You've broken up with your girlfriend of two years after discovering that she has, for quite some time, been attending weekly Catholic Mass (it makes her feel "welcome") in spite of the fact that both of your fathers are Rabbis at Temple Beth Torah in Nyack. You need some support, who do you call?

a) WHITNEY D., your ex-girlfriend's best friend, who is lip-locked with the boy of her dreams (second dream-boy in three years) on her Birthright trip (fourth trip in five years) to Tel Aviv.

b) CHAD LIBERMAN, your little sister's ex-boyfriend, who was expelled from his birthright trip yesterday, after repeatedly referring to his group leader as "Yasser Arafat." He is waiting for his father to pick him up at Kennedy International Airport.

c) THE REVEREND TED HAGGARD, who has just graduated from a three-week gay conversion course, and is now 100% heterosexual.

3. You're writing an essay about Shakespeare's use of the subjunctive mood in "Macbeth." The essay, your final assignment for the semester, is due in twenty-five minutes, and you can't seem to remember the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs. Your Internet access is down and your reference books are already in storage for the summer. Who do you call?

a) AL GORE, two minutes after the United States Supreme Court delivered its per curiam opinion on "Bush v. Gore"--ultimately ruling that a manual ballot recount in Florida would be unconstitutional.

b) H. MEYERS, who, moments ago, walked in on her seventeen-year-old son, Arthur, lying naked on his bed, masturbating. (She just wanted to tell him that dinner would be ready in five minutes.)

c) RONALD REAGAN.

When you have made your selections, please put your pencil down and wait for the proctor to deliver additional instructions. You MAY NOT return to previous sections of the exam.