Word for Word: X-mas

For years, many devout Christians have claimed that the abbreviation "X-mas" is tantamount to blasphemy. While devotion and ignorance are not necessarily synonymous, it behooves those with immoderate convictions (religious or otherwise) to scrutinize their persuasions in order to ensure that they have not mistaken ill-informed precepts for absolute truth.

As a matter of fact, the Catholic Church coined the abbreviation "X-mas."

In the original Greek version of the New Testament the word "Christ" (Khristos) begins with the Greek character "X," or "chi" and appears as follows:

Χριστός

The Roman letter "X" (the 24th letter of our alphabet) is identical in appearance to the Greek character "chi." In the early days of printing and typesetting, the Church began abbreviating the word "Christ" with the letter "X." (Such abbreviations were highly cost effective and, as a result, a common phenomenon.)

"X" was embraced as a proxy for the word "Christ" and appeared in a variety of abbreviations, including "X-ian" (Christian), "X-enned" (Christened), and, of course, "X-mas."

There you have it!

And, please, have a Merry Christmas!

Luck of the Irish

From the December 2006 issue of Harper's Magazine:

ASK NOT

From a November 10, 1962, letter by Rose Kennedy to her son, President John F. Kennedy, among 252 boxes of her notes and letters released in September by the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum in Boston.

Dear Jack,

In looking over my old diary, I found that you were urged on one occasion, when you were five years old, to wish for a happy death. But you turned down this suggestion and said that you would like to wish for two dogs instead. So do not blame the Bouviers if John has similar ideas.

Much love, dear Jack.

Well, shit.

A confession...

Whenever I hear Melissa Block or Robert Siegel or Charlie Rose refer to "sectarian violence," I imagine--against my better intelligence--hundreds of secretaries, each seated at a large metal desk, carefully crafting paper airplanes armed with thumbtacks and staples, maliciously coordinating office-wide computer viruses, and cleverly programming ink jet printers to self destruct when asked to "collate."


Sec(re)tarian Violence. Absurd? Yes. Insensitive? Probably. But true all the same.

It's The Great Gatsby, Charlie Brown!

Following is an excerpt from a story I am writing about a door-to-door Oxford English Dictionary salesman. Sections of the story are based on my early experiences in Chicago.

My neighborhood was freckled with rowdy sports bars--establishments featuring dozens of widescreen televisions, a variety of lo-carb beers, and, on Thursday nights, six-dollar Long Island iced teas. Packed, from wall to wall, with rugged young men displaying Greek characters on their skintight t-shirts, these watering holes reeked of stale cigarettes, eau de toilette, and unwashed armpits.

Counterpoint: I attended Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York, where students have been known to frolic through the woods, reciting Shakespeare and Milton. The college bookstore features a t-shirt that reads: “Vassar Football: Undefeated since 1861.” (One cannot be defeated if one does not exist.) No surprise, then, that I experienced a bit of culture shock upon arriving in a neighborhood marked by chronic nostalgia for Sigma Alpha Epsilon.

Sitting, one evening, at a relatively tame neighborhood saloon, enjoying an Irish whiskey, I engaged in what ultimately became a ruinous conversation with the gentleman seated next to me. Following a brief introduction, he offered: “I’m from St. Paul. You ever been?”

“No,” I said. “I’d love to visit. I actually wrote my undergraduate thesis on F. Scott Fitzgerald. He was born in St. Paul.”

“Oh, nice! F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yeah, I love ‘The Peanuts.’ Charlie Brown is hysterical.”

Conversations like this one leave me wondering: where did all of the smart people go and why wasn't I invited?

And now, you must watch this!

Hanukka, Hollywood Style

From HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW, 12.5.06:

Conservative rabbis in Beverly Hills called for an end to the religious edict forbidding oral sex between men; anal congress, however, would still be forbidden.

OKAY!

Botching Jokes since 1943

A great deal of attention has been paid to John Kerry's recent "botched joke," which addressed the (inevitable) relationship between college grades and military service.

The media has questioned whether or not this "b.j." will affect Mr. Kerry's potential bid for the White House in 2008.

I voted for John Kerry in 2004 and, to this day, consider his loss something of a tragedy.

Tragedy, as a dramatic form, necessitates a hero with an inborn flaw that will ultimately bring about his demise. Often times an oracle will identify a hero's flaw early in the hero's life. The oracle will also forecast the manner in which this hero will meet his quietus.

Now I am no oracle--only hindsight allows me to remove my spectacles--but allow me to say, here and now, that John Kerry is about as funny as a pencil.



(Unfortunately, unlike a pencil, he doesn't have an eraser.)

Panda Porn?

One more item from HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW, 11.28.06:

Chinese scientists revealed that showing pornography to pandas has helped increase the captive panda population.

Wow.

Stealing Christmas All Over Again

From HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW, 11.28.06

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich announced that he would lead an effort to revitalize the Republican Party. "I am not 'running' for president," said Gingrich. "I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen."

That's fucking perfect.

Word for Word: A Magpie's Nest...

FIRST, A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:

Dear Reader,

You may have noticed that, in recent weeks, SHOOT THE PIANO PLAYER has become increasingly explicit. I would like to remind you, however, that, from day one, the subtitle of this blog has read: "Explications and Elucidations." Interestingly enough, the adjective explicit and the noun explication are derived from the same Latin verb: explicare, meaning "to unfold." That said, in order to adhere to the task at hand, it behooves me to be as explicit as possible.
Thank you for your continued support.

Regards,
Christopher Devine

Editor, SHOOT THE PIANO PLAYER

*******************

AND NOW....

Pornographic Etymology: Muff

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word Muff (noun, vulgar slang) as, "The female pubic hair."

The word (with the aforementioned definition) first appeared in the year 1699 in The New Dictionary of Ancient and Modern Terms and was defined as "a Woman's Secrets."

1707 was a pivotal year for the word Muff. In this momentous year, a gentleman by the name of J.S. Farmer elucidated the meaning of this word, and we are forever indebted to him. In a collection of "Merry Songs and Ballads," Mr. Farmer wrote:

The Muff between her Haunches,
Resembl'd a Mag-Pye's Nest.



There you have it!!

FUCK

I would like to recommend the documentary film Fuck.

This film examines the history and etymology of the word Fuck, as well as its current cultural significance. Although it is, perhaps, twenty minutes too long, it is quite good.

For more information, click here

Peel Slowly and See

From the May 2006 issue of HARPER'S.
This is pretty brilliant.

A Banana in the Sun.
From a letter written by Robert S. Poydasheff, the mayor of Columbus, Georgia, to Gwen Stewart, who had complained about policemen eating bananas at a civil-rights march in January 2005. According to Poydasheff, she considered the banana “an affront,” though she would not specify why. Local media speculated that Stewart perceived the fruit as a slur equating African Americans with apes.

Dear Ms. Stewart,

I am sorry you found Columbus police officers eating bananas on the street when you arrived in Columbus for the protest. Let me assure you there was no intent to offend. The officers needed some nutrition after standing long hours on the street, and they particularly needed the potassium available in bananas and some other fruits.

Accordingly, they were given bananas along with some drinking water. There was no thought of insulting or offending anyone, and perhaps that was thoughtless on our part. In any case, let me offer my sincere apology for anything our officers may have done that gave offense to you or anyone else. I want to assure you that it will not happen again. I want to encourage you to come back to Columbus and get to know us better. You will find this a place where African Americans and all other people are valued equally and are welcomed to full participation in community life. Again, I am sorry you were offended, and I hope you will accept this sincere apology.

Respectfully,
Robert S. Poydasheff

I LIKE YOU

I would like to recommend the film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Perhaps not as fresh as Da Ali G Show, it remains a "must see" (if only for the scene that features Borat in the hotel elevator).



To view the trailer, click HERE

Word for Word

Pornographic Etymology: Cunt

The Oxford American Dictionary (the American cousin of our great lexical authority, the Oxford English Dictionary) defines the word "cunt" (noun, vulgar slang) as 1) a woman's genitals; 2) a woman

The word "cunt" first appeared in the year 1230 as part of a street name: Gropecunt Lane--a thoroughfare in London where prostitutes conducted their business.

In 1390 Geoffrey Chaucer used the word "cunt" in The Miller's Tale (part of The Cantebury Tales):

"Pryvely he caught her by the queynte"
(In modern English: "Privately, he caught her by the cunt")

Parenthetically--if anyone is interested in reading some old school smut, Geoffrey Chaucer is your guy.

Some believe that Chaucer's use of the word "queynte" also invoked the word "quaint," forming what is known as a "double entendre." So the next time someone calls you a "cunt," they may, in fact, mean that you are simply "attractively unusual or old-fashioned."


Hey, what are you pointing at?

What's happening in Mongolia?

If this isn't hillarious, I don't know what is.

From The New York Times
October 6, 2006:

Genghis Khan Beer?
Mongolia Grimaces

ULAN BATOR, Mongolia, Oct. 5 (AP)--Mongolia's legislature on Thursday began debating a bill to regulate the use of the name Genghis Khan to prevent it from being comercially misused.

Since Mongolia emerged from the shadow of the Soviet Union in 1991, the name of the its legendary conqueror and revered national symbol has been used for a half-dozen commercial brands, including vodka and beer.

Under the proposed law, commerical use of the name would be granted only by the government, which would set fees for its licensing.

"We are not showing enough respect to Genghis Khan," said one lawmaker, E. Bat-Uul. "If today somebody produces toilet paper with Genghis Khan's name, we do not know what to do about it, as currently there is no law to regulate this issue."


A woman checks vodka bottles featuring an image of legendary Mongolian leader Genghis Khan at the vodka factory of Gem International Co. in Ulan Bator, the capital of Mongolia

Film Recommendation

I would like to recommend the documentary film Jesus Camp. It is a "must-see."



For more info, click here

To see the trailer, click here

John Weidman responds, via e-mail

Following is an e-mail from John Weidman, president of the Dramatists Guild of America

Dear Mr. Devine:

Thanks for your e-mail. I certainly share you concern about the future of the musical and at bottom it was that concern which caused me to complain about Ms. Weiss's review in the first place. Of course criticism is an essential part of the developmental process, but there is a line--and it is not a fine one--between the "criticism" represented by an audience reaction and a professional critic's review, published in one of the most influential and widely read newspapers in the country. If new musicals--particularly eccentric, adventurous ones--are to have any chance to thrive, they must be left alone until the artists creating them decide they are ready to be exposed to this kind of judgmental evaluation.

Sincerely,
John Weidman

Ms. Weiss Responds, via e-mail

Dear Christopher Devine:
Thank you so much for the supportive letter. It means a lot. And of course I think you got the whole picture just right.

Best,
Hedy Weiss

In Defense of Hedy Weiss

The following article was printed in The New York Times on August 31, 2006.
(Below is a letter I wrote to both the editor of The New York Times and The Chicago Sun-Times in response to this controversy.)

Chicago Critic Criticized for an ‘Unfair’ Review
By CAMPBELL ROBERTSON

“Irresponsible” — Edward Albee.

“Ignorant” — Stephen Schwartz.

“Incapable of understanding standards of professional and ethical conduct” — Tony Kushner.

The reviews are in for Hedy Weiss, a theater critic for The Chicago Sun-Times for more than 20 years, and they’re not pretty.

The unlikely source of the outrage is a small 30-year-old theater company called Theater Building Chicago, which helps artists develop original musicals. For 13 years the company has presented a weekend-long festival of musicals in progress, called Stages. In the early years, critics were asked not to review the shows, since the musicals were not finished products. Recently, this request has not been explicit.

Enter Ms. Weiss. She and others have written features about Stages in the past, and in recent years Ms. Weiss has written reviews as well.

The reviews came as a surprise, said Joan Mazzonelli, the executive director of Theater Building Chicago. But no one objected, and Ms. Weiss was always invited back.

This year, Ms. Weiss’s review of Stages, which ran on Aug. 16, three days after the festival, was far more disapproving than in previous years. “The eight deeply flawed new musicals seemed to suggest the art form has fallen on very hard times,” she wrote, adding that none of the shows, “whether in semi-staged or concert-reading style, was ready for prime time.”

Before discussing each musical, Ms. Weiss also wrote that she did not sit through any of the shows in its entirety because of their poor quality.

The review came to the attention of a member of the Dramatists Guild of America, Jeffrey Sweet, who alerted other guild members. A tempest of outraged e-mail messages rose up within the ranks of the guild; contributors included Mr. Albee, Mr. Schwartz and Mr. Kushner, as well as Lynn Ahrens, Alfred Uhry and Theresa Rebeck. On Aug. 24, John Weidman, president of the guild, sent a letter to the publisher and editor of The Sun-Times, along with copies of 22 of the e-mail messages.

Ms. Weiss’s decision to review the musicals, the letter said, “was a shocking and irresponsible betrayal of one of the fundamental understandings which makes the creation of new work possible.” The understanding, the letter continued, is that the workshop process “provides an opportunity for writers to evaluate their work as it evolves, protected from the consequences of critical appraisal.”

The letter, which also condemned Ms. Weiss’s decision to give an opinion on shows she had seen only in part, demanded a public apology.

In a written response to the guild’s letter, Ms. Weiss said that she had reviewed the festival in the past without objection and no one had told her she could not review it this time. She also said the festival was a public event, with an advertising campaign and tickets. (A ticket to one performance cost $15.)

“If you are given a press kit and if you are given pictures,” she asked in a telephone interview yesterday, “what are you supposed to do with them?”

Though Mr. Weidman acknowledged that there might have been a misunderstanding about some of the specifics in this case, he said the general principle was still worth emphasizing: works in development should not be reviewed. An experienced critic like Ms. Weiss, he added, should know that, even if she was not explicitly told.

“A professional critic should not write that kind of piece about works that everyone knew were in development,” he said in an interview. “To publish a review of a work in progress is inappropriate.”

Theater Building Chicago sits quietly in the middle of this tempest. Ms. Mazzonelli has distanced herself from the Dramatists Guild, acknowledging that she had not made the festival’s policy clear to Ms. Weiss, whom she had encouraged to attend, along with other members of the press.

“Call it an error of omission is the best I can tell you,” she said. Then a few minutes later, she added, “What’s in my hands is that Hedy Weiss, who is a major reviewer, is upset with me.”

[To read Ms. Weiss's August 16th review of "Stages," click here.
To read the exchange between John Weidman and Hedy Weiss, published in the Sun-Times on August 31st, click here.]




To The Editor:

Chicago Sun-Times theatre critic Hedy Weiss is right: Musical theatre has fallen on hard times. Broadway is, right now, littered with revivals--from "Chicago" to "A Chorus Line" to "Sweeny Todd." And is "Phantom of the Opera" really STILL running?

Unfortunately, new musical adaptations of popular films such as, "The Wedding Singer," "Legally Blonde," and "High Fidelity," don't bode well for the future of the art form. Broadway's tiresome and, at times, laughable line-up reveals the true importance of generating new and compelling art, which, according to Ms. Weiss's Aug. 16th review, is just not happening.

And Ms. Weiss has every right to say so. What good is a workshop, if not for feedback? If new projects remain immune to critique how on earth can we expect them to grow?

Shame on the Dramatists Guild of America for condemning Ms. Weiss's review. They ought to applaud her critical sensibilities. Ms. Weiss is trying to uphold certain standards of quality in the theatre, which otherwise seem to be slipping. Without reviews like this, we may be in for another eight thousand performances of "Phantom."

Regards,
Christopher Devine

[This letter was published in The Chicago Sun-Times on September 6, 2006.]

61 Years Ago Today

At 8:15 AM on August 6, 1945, The United States Army Air Forces dropped an atomic bomb over the city of Hiroshima, Japan. This was the first of two nuclear attacks aimed at putting an end to World War II.


Hours after this attack, the Washington Press Club prepared the first “Atomic Cocktail,” made from a combination of gin and Pernod--a bright green, anise-based liquor. When mixed with another liquid, Pernod immediately develops a cloudy white hue. This stunning transformation allowed Americans everywhere to simulate an atomic explosion from the comfort of their own kitchen! With the advent of the “Atomic Cocktail,” each home in America was now equipped to participate in the Atomic revolution.

In the days to follow, “Atomic” became a buzzword in America. Two days after the U.S. dropped the first bomb, Life magazine featured a full-page photograph of a starlet clad in a two-piece bathing suit, naming her “Miss Anatomic Bomb.” Shortly thereafter, Los Angeles burlesque houses began to feature “Atombomb Dancers.” And in December of 1945, country western singers Karl Davis and Harty Taylor recorded a song entitled “When the Atom Bomb Fell”--the first musical response to the deadly nuclear blasts.


Although the initial reactions to the Atom bomb were lighthearted, as the American public learned more about the bomb’s potential for mass destruction, anxiety blossomed. In March of 1946 the Federation of Atomic Scientists published a small paperback volume entitled One World or None, which described a hypothetical nuclear attack on the United States. This book quickly became a national bestseller. Similarly, in August of 1946, John Hersey’s account of Hiroshima in the wake of nuclear attack was published in The New Yorker. This article was subsequently published in book form and also became a national bestseller.


Reports of radioactive “fall-out”--a product of nuclear testing--heightened levels of anxiety. (The word “fall-out” first appeared in the New York Times on August 17, 1952: "Nevertheless, a good deal of radioactive stuff is picked up and carried by the wind and deposited all over the country... So far there have been no dangerous concentrations of radioactive ‘fall-out,’ as it is called, that is outside of the proving grounds in Nevada.")

President Eisenhower encouraged the Atomic Energy Commission to capitalize on the public’s lack of knowledge regarding the specifics of nuclear science. AEC Chairman Gordon Dean reported that Eisenhower said, “Keep them confused as to ‘fission’ and ‘fusion’.”

Eisenhower, who wanted to proceed with nuclear testing, viewed American anxiety as a threat to the development of a nuclear artillery. That said, he was aware of the rhetorical power of words like “fall-out.” By limiting the public’s exposure to such words, Ike hoped to keep Americans ignorant--eliminating fear and subsequent resistance to nuclear testing.

Unfortunately, Ike was too late. By the mid-Fifties, the atomic lexicon had become an integral part of American life. Elimination (or even suppression) of this lexicon was no longer possible and anxiety continued to swell throughout the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Today, 61 years after the first nuclear attack, we seem to be tormented by a similar set of set of anxieties. Although we no longer hear talk of "hydrogen bombs" and "fall-out shelters," the news is littered with comparable doomsday buzzwords. Not a day goes by without discussion of "uranium enrichment," "weapons of mass destruction," or "long range missiles."

Speaking of The New Yorker...

From the May 29, 2006 issue of THE NEW YORKER:

Heaven Can Wait
by Anthony Lane

...There has been much debate over Dan Brown's novel ever since it was published, in 2003, but no question has been more contentious than this: if a person of sound mind begins reading the book at ten o'clock in the morning, at what time will he or she come to the realization that it is unmitigated junk? The answer, in my case, was 10:00.03, shortly after I read the opening sentence: "Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery." With that one word, "renowned," Brown proves that he hails from the school of elbow-joggers—nervy, worrisome authors who can't stop shoving us along with jabs of information and opinion that we don't yet require. (Buried far below this tic is an author's fear that his command of basic, unadorned English will not do the job; in the case of Brown, he's right.) You could dismiss that first stumble as a blip, but consider this, discovered on a random skim through the book: "Prominent New York editor Jonas Faukman tugged nervously at his goatee." What is more, he does so over "a half-eaten power lunch," one of the saddest phrases I have ever heard.

...How timid—how undefended in their powers of reason—must people be in order to yield to such preening? Are they reading "The DaVinciCode" because everybody on the subway is doing the same, and, if so, why, when they reach their stop, do they not realize their mistake and leave it on the seat, to be gathered up by the next sucker? Despite repeated attempts, I have never managed to crawl past page 100. As I sat down to watch "The DaVinciCode," therefore, I was in the lonely, if enviable, position of not actually knowing what happens.

Stumbling out from the final credits, tugging nervously at my goatee, I was none the wiser...

...As far as I am qualified to judge, the film remains unswervingly loyal to the book, displaying an obedience that Silas could not hope to match. I welcome this fidelity, because it allows us to propose a syllogism. The movie is baloney; the movie is an accurate representation of the book; therefore, the book is also baloney, although it takes even longer to consume...

...Behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people, except at Columbia Pictures, where the power lunches won't even be half-started. The Catholic Church has nothing to fear from this film. It is not just tripe. It is self-evident, spirit-lowering tripe that could not conceivably cause a single member of the flock to turn aside from the faith. Meanwhile, art historians can sleep easy once more, while fans of the book, which has finally been exposed for the pompous fraud that it is, will be shaken from their trance. In fact, the sole beneficiaries of the entire fiasco will be members of Opus Dei, some of whom practice mortification of the flesh. From now on, such penance will be simple—no lashings, no spiked cuff around the thigh. Just the price of a movie ticket, and two and a half hours of pain.

It gets better...

From the July 3 issue of
The New Yorker:

FAREWELL SYMPHONY
Daniel Barenboim's final concerts in Chicago.

by Alex Ross

On June 17th, Daniel Barenboim ended his decade-and-a-half run as the music director of the Chicago Symphony with a gritty, impassioned performance of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony...

The concerts caused considerable excitement in Chicago, even among those who had never loved the conductor. Some listeners resisted his habit of insistently programming the likes of Carter and Boulez; others resented his pro-Palestinian statements, or criticized him for failing to evangelize to younger audiences. Nonetheless, spare tickets were going for five hundred dollars and up. On the last night of the series, a young man was seen out on Michigan Avenue waving a fistful of twenties.

###

Yes, that was me! Unfortunately, the article goes on to say that I did not get into the concert, which is false. A letter to the editor is in the works.

Stay tuned...

BRAVO!

From the CHICAGO TRIBUNE, June 18, 2006:

Curtain call for the maestro
Barenboim bows out after 15 years as CSO director


By John von Rhein and Charles Storch
Tribune staff reporters

Daniel Barenboim wanted to go out with the biggest splash possible, and he got his wish.

With a sold-out Orchestra Hall resounding with the lofty paean to universal brotherhood known as Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, the Barenboim era at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra came to a close at about 10:20 Saturday night.

There were no final speeches, but the 63-year-old Barenboim preceded the performance of the Beethoven's Ninth with brief reflections on his 36-year association with the orchestra. This was his final concert as music director, a post he is leaving after 15 seasons.

"I will always treasure the musical and human trust they gave me through all these years," he said, adding that he felt "deep joy and pride" at the musicians' calling him Honorary Conductor for Life.


At the end, he applauded the orchestra and shook musicians' hands before acknowledging the roar of the crowd. The audience broke into rhythmic applause, calling him back for repeated bows, each louder than the previous...

In fact, many musicians were applauding and cheering as loudly as the audience. The ovations began at the very start of the evening, as Barenboim entered and sat down at the piano to conduct Beethoven's "Choral Fantasy."

All seats had been snapped up by subscribers and patrons by April 2005. But some hopeful fans stood outside the hall seeking a ticket. Among them was Christopher Devine, 23, of Chicago, waving a fan of $20s. "I would go up to $200 for a ticket," he said. "That's all I brought."

The audience included notables from the worlds of music, business and politics, including former World Bank President James Wolfensohn. Entering the hall, actor Ed Harris noted he is in a new film about Beethoven and was "very excited about hearing the music."

For CSO violinist Tom Hall, the Barenboim years were especially laden with emotion because they coincided with his own time in the orchestra. Hall joined the Chicago Symphony in 1970, when Barenboim debuted as a CSO guest conductor, and the violinist is retiring from the ensemble the same weekend the music director is leaving.

"It has been an honor, privilege and pleasure to belong to this wonderful orchestra for 36 years and, during that time, to work with this most remarkable musician," Hall said. "I am in awe of his keyboard virtuosity, extensive knowledge of music history and theory, probing intellect, courageous humanitarianism, and sharp and ready wit."


Caption: Christopher Devine of Chicago waves cash outside Symphony Center in an effort to get a seat for Daniel Barenboim's last performance with the CSO as its musical director. He finally succeeded.

Gathering No Moss

When asked why the Rolling Stones named their 1978 album “Some Girls,” Keith Richards reportedly replied, “Because we couldn’t remember their fucking names.”

WORD FOR WORD: Rethinking "Jihad"

The word “jihad” is one of the most commonly misunderstood Arabic words currently employed in the English language. The OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY--our ultimate lexical authority--defines “jihad” as “a religious war of Muslims against unbelievers in Islam.” This is a definition with which many Americans are (at least vaguely) familiar. The beauty of the OED is the detailed etymology it provides for each and every entry. Note, then, that the word’s original Arabic definition--“struggle, contest, specifically for the propagation of Islam”--doesn’t quite correspond with the current English denotation.

Yes, the difference between the English definition and the Arabic definition is seemingly minute. But a casual approach to language is liable to perpetuate a series of gross misunderstandings, and as learned individuals (equipped with dictionaries), we have the responsibility to examine the intricacies of such a disparity, however insignificant the disparity may seem.

There is a prepositional inversion that occurs between the Arabic definition and its English counterpart. The Arabic definition suggests that Muslims are struggling FOR--in support of--the growth of Islam. The English definition, on the other hand, suggests that Muslims are fighting AGAINST–-in opposition to--non-Muslims.

By employing a positive preposition, the Arabic definition figures Muslims as lionhearts, struggling to spread the word of their profit, Mohammed. Conversely, by employing a negative preposition, the English definition adopts a pejorative tone. It figures Muslims as antagonists and non-Muslims as victims. Furthermore, the Arabic definition utilizes the words “struggle” and “contest,” whereas the English definition replaces these words with the blatantly reductive and ultimately unfavorable word, “war.”

It is no wonder that the word “jihad” has such a negative connotation in our contemporary vernacular! Our Arabic lexicon is decidedly limited, and such limitations render us unable to speak about and, therefore, understand the complexities surrounding, say, “resistance movements” in Iraq. Over the years, the United States has come to view “jihad” as a form of “terrorism.” Well, how do you think Muslims feel about “a political war of Americans against unbelievers in democracy”?

"This Is The Place," Crosswalks: Part II

I am pleased to report that the streets of Salt Lake City, Utah are beautifully decorated with REAL brick crosswalks! And believe it or not, there appear to be no instances of buckling. In fact, the condition of these crosswalks remains superb, the color in tact: such are the wonders of AUTHENTIC clay bricks. (Don't tell the folks at "StreetPrint"!) Crossing the street has never been so enjoyable.

Pedestrian safety is at an all time high in Salt Lake, thanks to the city’s (unapologetically liberal) mayor, Rocky Anderson. Pedestrian climate became a top city priority when Anderson took office in January of 2000. For years, Salt Lake has utilized a series of yellow chirping speakers, strategically placed alongside pedestrian traffic lights, in an effort to accommodate the city’s visually impaired citizens.

More recently, Mayor Anderson has implemented a system of "crosswalk flags" with the hope of reducing pedestrian involved accidents by increasing the visibility of pedestrians. One simply removes a bright orange flag from a receptacle at one end of a crosswalk, walks across the street, and replaces the flag in a matching receptacle before continuing along, merrily, merrily. The city currently maintains 40 flag crossing locations in the downtown area. Failure to yield to a disabled person in a crosswalk results in a $250 fine (raised from $100, prior to Anderson’s tenure).

Additionally, Salt Lake City sports a number of *clearly* marked bicycle lanes, which have served to end local skirmishes in the nation-wide civil war between motorists and cyclists. These bicycle lanes also promote alternative modes of transportation, part of Mayor Anderson's ongoing campaign to reduce carbon dioxide emissions in the city.

So how does this add up? Well, in 1999, the Ogden-Salt Lake City Metro Area was rated the 12th most deadly area in the nation for pedestrians. Since Mayor Anderson implemented the Pedestrian Safety Initiative, however, there have been ZERO pedestrian fatalities in Salt Lake City. In the program’s first two years alone, the Salt Lake City Police Department reported a citywide pedestrian accident rate reduction of 16%. Such dramatic improvements in pedestrian ambiance (augmented by stunning, authentic brick crosswalks and scenic mountain vistas) make the sidewalks of Salt Lake City some of the most enticing promenades in the United States.


For more information on Salt Lake City's pedestrian legislation, please click here: Salt Lake City Department of Transportation

Also, please submit your own appraisals of national and international pedestrian thoroughfares to "Shoot The Piano Player." I look forward to hearing from you!

Building a City of Forged Antiquity, One Fake Brick at a Time

There is a company headquartered in Canada whose SOLE function is to make asphalt look like brick. No joke. Integrated Paving Concepts, Inc., more commonly known as “StreetPrint,” boasts that they are well on their way to becoming the preeminent world leader in “decorative asphalt solutions.” And as fate would have it, this renowned company has paved its way onto the thoroughfares of Chicago--part of Mayor Daley’s ongoing plan to make the City of Big Shoulders look more and more like Paris. Chicago’s streets are now freckled with fake brick crosswalks, all brought to you by the world’s most industrious and innovative asphalt decorators: StreetPrint.

Conceived in British Columbia in 1990 by a housing developer in search of an affordable decorative pavement, StreetPrint, was first exhibited to the asphalt paving industry in March of 1993 at an expo in Las Vegas. Within the year, Integrated Paving Concepts built a network of licensed StreetPrint applicators in North America. In September of 1994, StreetPrint made its Japanese debut, and in 1995 the fake bricks began a very successful European tenure at an international trade fair in Munich, Germany.

Today, StreetPrint is distributed by over 750 licensed applicators in more than 35 countries worldwide, including Italy, Spain, France, The United Kingdom, The Netherlands, Turkey, Australia, New Zealand, China, Hong Kong, Singapore, and select regions of Central America, South America, and the Middle East. In fact, more than 55 million square feet of our planet’s surface is covered by StreetPrint--a total market value of over $300 million.

“The advantage of our product,” explains Cleve Stordy, Vice President of Government Markets for StreetPrint, “is the simple installation and, more importantly, the low level of maintenance required to uphold the integrity of the print.” Beginning in 1998, StreetPrint implemented a comprehensive training and certification program focused on developing the Applicators’ capabilities to install “the most demanding commercial and government projects.” These trained technicians place a metal template onto the fully compacted, hot mix asphalt. The template is then impacted into the street surface with a large press. Once this texturing process is complete, surface colors are applied using a durable polymer cement surfacing system. (For a complete animated demonstration click here: Animation!)

StreetPrint offers a variety of patterns including Offset Brick, Herringbone, British Cobble, Eurofan, and Frisco Cobble, not to mention colors that range from standard Brick and Slate to Hunter Green and Safety Blue. The possibilities are seemingly limitless.

“StreetPrint is a decorative process used in place of more conventional, high maintenance products,” Stordy says, “such as stamped concrete or actual brick.” Thanks to its seamless installation, StreetPrint is safe for pedestrians. The solid surface creates almost no chance of buckling. It is favored, in particular, by wheelchair-bound persons and is very popular amongst communities and facilities designed for the elderly.

But the longevity of such a superficial product comes into question when considering the harsh weather and heavy traffic patterns in Chicago. In less than 18 months, the surfacing color on a series of crosswalks printed in Chicago’s Lincoln Park neighborhood has worn away, leaving an unsightly combination of fake brick and asphalt.

“A print in a residential area with light traffic may last many years,” Stordy explains. “Whereas, a print on a freeway may last many weeks. It just depends. But the texture itself is very durable and often all that is needed is a fresh layer of color. That is the beauty of StreetPrint.”

Why, then, after just a year and a half, are the crosswalks in one of Chicago’s premier neighborhoods so ragged looking? “The words 'maintenance' and 'Chicago,'” Stordy reminds us, “are oxymorons. We have enough trained technicians in the city that touch-up jobs really shouldn’t be a problem.”

Unfortunately, at the current rate it’s only a matter of time before this illustrious and innovative technology will fade from the city streets completely and hundreds of thousands of tax dollars with it.

501(c)(3)

Is being nice tax deductable?